Offended?

I can offend anyone, insult anything about them, crush their souls and take the complete piss out of anyone and all they will do is sit and laugh, of course normally I don't mean it offensively so it's good but I have no idea how I do it, I just say what I think would make people laugh.

BUT

I can also give advice and its normally useful if you need a chat mail me, I'm not going to say anything and no-one else has access to my mail and I won't read mail infront of anyone else unless its from a company.