Noise of doom

There was just a noise from upstairs I think I should be concerned but strangely im not at all.

My day has been fairly content-less with regards to this blog but never fear I will have some as tomorrow I am at work. Well…

I do have content but it’s not fair at all to post any of that here, I basically sorted a lot with an old friend I kind of fell out with and I feel great about it. I have missed them a lot and finally I’m getting somewhere not too far but a good start to regaining a brilliant friendship, I also realised how much I have grown up just in the last few days, My future is so important now and I could have done so much better in my results sure they got me into uni, on the course I would have done anyway but I could have got A’s If I could have been arsed, sure I would still have done a foundation degree but it would give me something to fall back on and I was stupid not to try harder, anyone that is in the first year of sixth form or college and hasn’t done as well as expected, don’t sit there and become complacent, work, try harder and get the grades you can get, sure I got into uni and im overjoyed about it but I’m still kicking myself in the arse because I could have done so much better if only I tried so if you read this blog and believe in one thing I say let it be this try your hardest at everything, otherwise you get a huge feeling of self pity and negative energy. I may feel like it now but I’m turning the negative energy into an amazing feeling called hard work, commitment and results, do the same or you will kick yourself.

I miss my boys like mad fish boy got back today and I have spoke to him but it’s not the same without both of them.

I miss them.

I miss Becky too.

I miss a lot of things in fact and I want them all But I can’t have them anyhow bed soon up in like 9 hours for work.

*End of transmission*

I owe fia a veyron

.... if I win the jackpot on the Euro millions on Saturday.

hehe

Today has been brilliant, I got accepted into Brighton university and work was OK. Talked with Jon abut drinking and addictions was interesting but we where basically filling time because otherwise we would have been bored shitless.

Today in Horsham what did I do, other than burn my hands?

Well...
Not much I decided it would be a good idea to make an Olympic torch, however it turns out setting alight a metro and running around with it is:
A)Stupid
B)A great way to attract attention
C)A way to generate heat
D)A great way to find out that flames can hurt a lot
E)A way to melt said converses when you stamp on it.

Other than that just nearly kill myself with my diablo a few times

SMIIIIILE!

I have had a bad day but because of one word I'm happy and that word is plonk completely irrelevant except to me and Becky. She makes me happier just by reminding me she loves me.

My day has been crap if I'm honest, got stuck at home cleaning and looking after the siblings all day when I had intended to meet with Becky today and relax with her. Yesterday I played guitar hero and the difficulty curve after the easy mode is like running head first into a concrete wall, but I'm sure I will work it out. So yeah one of the most boring days of the summer so far, its OK though, the house is clean the siblings haven't murdered each other yet, so I'm free to do what I want, expect I'm not.

Tomorrow I have to go to work and in the morning I'm going to work on a song I started writing last night named vibrating cows, (yeah its about you), then Thursday is big results day with a meet up in Horsham afterwards and work from five, but at least this means the next few days will go quickly, Friday, I'm not sure what to do with Friday, I might work on the script and get the NatWest account sorted out, that might be an idea. Then Saturday I'm at work for the day basically and after work on Saturday I will do my general procrastination style of work. Then From Sunday to Tuesday lunchtime/afternoon I'm busy so its all good. The shit day is followed with a few busy days and of course I have great friends, nemo rang me today bless him, I needed that, so thanks dude.

Becky loves me. ^_^

I just need to know that today of all days and it makes me warm inside. But you know what's better? I Love her back.

BEAR!

Today, well yesterday being Thursday work was good, I spent most of my shift with Carl and we generally took the piss out of each other and talked about some strange strange things.

He has dreams whist he is in the store and is chased by a bear, this then concluded with me shouting across the store "LOOK CARL A BEAR" and him running away in the direction of the exit, with customer's looking on as if we are a bunch of nut balls.

We also spoke about his fetish with knifes and his childhood desire to become the ultimate box opening hero, he practices in his room with his stanley knife by sealing boxes and reopening them with his knife of dooooom!

Yes I am strange, Yes so are my friends, and yes I am now tired and going to bed.

Don't like it? Don't read.

Cash

This is my list on how to make money what needs to be done and the main purpose of the money over the next year

Part Time Job-Main income
I need to still sort out a decent amount of hours for about £600 per month.
Spreadshirt-Secondary income
I need to finish setting this up and create enough designs and create a decent advertising campaign.
Freelance journalism-Secondary Income
Although I can't start this directly now it is something I want to delve my hand into and to do it will require a lot of work but I see it as a great way to achieve one of my life goals is to write more, I want this to be part of my future so why not start now? I will write some articles and columns and approach various publications.
Sell art-Spare Cash
As it stands I don't see this as a major income at all but it's a way to create a reasonable amount of money to be made from a hobby so I will capitalise on this.
Freelance design-Spare Cash
I love designing, so why not offer my services? I will set-up a website to combine both the art and design services, I see this as a very vague way of making money. Again I see this as part of my future job and see no reason not to start it now to gain some experience, I may also generate some concepts so that I have something to put into a portfolio.
DJing-Spare cash
I personally don't think this is a decent way of making money, however many people including my dad think this is a great way to make money as they believe I am able to earn money from it so I will produce a few demo tapes, send them about then approach some agency's. My main aim is to get a radio show as that's what I would prefer to do.

Tropical JUIIIIIICE!

Today at work was crap but amazing, soo boring but with a water fight, poo talk and g-wizes it became interesting.

Water fight: was basically a fight between two members of staff that so blatantly want to rip each others clothing off getting my manager wet by accident and then him pouring a bottle of water over both of their heads as pay back it was hilarious as they were not expecting it.

Poo talk: It was during lunch talking about how someone would like to give someone laxatives to stop them from getting with a prospective boyfriend, then suddenly my manager the best way to put someone off is to make them watch some one shit, this got strange looks then he says, yeah thats how I annoy my girlfreind whilst shes in the bath I go in lock the windows and close the door and have a poo, this left me in tears at the womans face across the table to me.

G-wizes: We where trying to work out a way to make putting stock out more interesting so I suggested to kill two birds with one stone we should get G-wizes and drive them round the store to put stock out and finally find a purpose for G-wizes which is mean but funny and obviously how we would j-turn them and slide them round corners into the bulk stacks of chairs.

AND NOW......
IM HYPER ON TROPICAL JUUUUUICE!!!!!!

I LOVE IT!

Job

Damnit just when im getting use to things something always slaps me in the face I now need a job a lot more! I need to change my job because I'm second in line to be made redundant which sucks majorly, I can't risk getting a car without a viable income first but I also don't want to work full time over summer I was hoping to do overtime over summer at staples while people where away but thats not going to happen now is it? DAMN!

GRR!
Im angry annoyed and upset all in one, I was going to buy a mini until this happened and now I cannot risk insuring it or anything because I will only lose it, I'm soo annoyed I just want a job surely it can't be that hard to get one can it?

Anyone sees any jobs please fire them at me I will do anything for the moment I just need a job.

:(

I have thursday to look forward to though I suppose

Ive not posted in a while.

I know I have not posted in an age and if im honest I don't care since i returned from turkey I haven't really had the time to sit back and relax and think its been full on working my arse looking for ways to gain money, a car and generally enjoying stuff today I had the first time in age with my boys and I loved it, missed it so much even if we did wind up nemo about being a girl for a while.
hehe
sorry nemo.

I have next to nothing planned tomorrow/today thankfully, but other than that the next week is very very busy.

Wednesday: Work until late
Thursday: Party
Friday: Party
Saturday: Work
Sunday: London/time with Becky?
Monday: Party (I think)
Tuesday: Party (I think)
Wednesday: Work
Thursday: Car searching/Work
Friday: Brighton/time with Becky?
Saturday: Work
Sunday: Oh look a free day wow!

hehe you get the idea I like it though keeps me busy and I prefer to have little time free than loads of time but it does mean that my free time is consumed with finding the things i need for the not so distant future.

Then everyone is basically away for a while and I shall use this time to change alot about what I do but it is meaning all this time is hard to fulfil my ideal tasks for july and I only had half because of the holiday, I might be going on another and I may be taking someone which would be nice.

yeh

going to work very bored.....

Shit week really

I'm still worried about stuff, I'm trying to manage what I did yesterday but with other stresses its just not possible, which sucks.

Other stresses listed as they popped up in my mind over a 3hour period.

1. We won't talk about that here because its mean even if it is really bothering me ALOT.
2. A while ago I made a decision and for the last 2 weeks or so I have been thinking I made the wrong one, its killing me because the decision I made is happy-ish just not as great as hoped and I still feel more inclined to go the other way. (this is vague so not to upset anyone)
3. MY WRIST IS FUCKING KILLING ME!
4. I'm going to take it as I didn't get the o2 job but they are too feeble to tell me, hopefully they just haven't rung around yet even though they did say I would find out by close of bussiness, I need to leave staples within 3 weeks or I will explode.
5. Exams, fucking evil bastard things that they are.
6. MY WRIST IS SOOO MUCH PAIN!
7. I miss the people that I care about, but I can't have them around me all the time.
8. I made the wrong decision, I know I did I think I have to live with it.
9. I'm generally not me.
10. Loves a bitch.
11. MY WRIST IS PAINFUL!!!
12. My spark is dying along with my soul.
13. I feel like I'm lying to myself.
14. Decision
15. MY FECKING WRIST!
16. I miss them.
17. I want to do it but don't.
18. MUST LEAVE STAPLES!
19. Decision I messed up.
20. Where's me?
21. Food needed.
22. I've not eaten all day.
23. I've not slept for four days...
24. SHIT! I really haven't.

Mostly I havn't slept as Im playing a few things over in my mind, health, who I am, how to get to what I want to do, the decision, wanting people nearer, finding a new job and then pain.

Spam

Next person to send me spam gets blocked off msn and email end of. Mass emails of information is acceptable but blatent time wasting will end up with me pressing two block buttons very very very quickly.Yeah I was harsh but spammers waste everyone's time and I hate wasting mine.

Not in best mood as it is wont rant here about that but yeah I'm annoyed and a bit upset about something but I will explain that to the person involved soon. was looking forward to something but no can't any more not their fault but its annoying as hell, that's as far as I'm going here, It may be my diary but there are some things I don't want everyone to know, if you would like to know, ask, I will only tell people that I trust though.

Need to leave work as soon as possible after today's shift I want to die seriously, on Sunday I am going looking for jobs. If I don't leave soon I will get sacked for shoving a binder up someone's arse most likely my managers.

Am I fucked off?

YES!

Do I care?

NO!

Am I finished?

FOR NOW!

NEEDED

I need about £1200 to buy an I-phone and a Car assuming I don't get the one I already want and Inland revenue owe me £1400 yet they have not yet sent me the cheque I cannot tell you how annoying that is... Everything I want/need in matter seconds as soon as that cheque clears yet I'm likely to wait anything between 2 t0 8 weeks for the bloody money to come through If I'm at staples I will have to wait at least 3months which is unlikely to happen and If I get the 02 Job because I will be earning enough I can borrow it and get it there and then then pay it off when the tax comes through or via my wages, the o2 job is now not just a job I will enjoy its a way of paying for my future and way of life.

SHWEET!

I passed the phone interview for 02 so happy! Got a face to face interview next Wednesday actually looking forward to it, I really really really want this job.

I will do anything I can to make myself perfect for that interview seriously everything I can will be done.

^_^

Im tired?

This is the first time I have been tired all week, in case you where wondering I decided against going to work as I couldn't move around properly and still can't which sucks. I will be going to work tommorrow but that's just the evening so that's not so bad and it's not so long then friday, I'm tempted to arrange something but If I'm honest I would rather spend some quality time with Steff and spend the day revising or writing. I will arrange something for a friday shortly and we should have an absolutely massive rave ready for the last exams like that friday just spend the entire day in Horsham park and relax with the best people in the world, my friends. If I have anything to do with it summer will be insanely awesome and very memorable, anything you want to do tell me and I will try to make it work.

I have decided I really want the o2 Job more than I have ever wanted any job before and now I have more purpose behind it, rather than it being something I want to try and enjoy. Ultimately I will need for my ideal situation later on in life the more practice I get at selling now even if to just general customers the better I will be later on in life at selling my products to corporate company's and will give me a new experience on sale techniques so I can decide what methods are most effective, so the interview tomorrow had better go perfectly meaning I will actually prepare for an interview for the first time in my life. I'm not sure when I find out If I get the job or not but I really hope I do and its soon. Problem is I'm tied between being my normal energetic random self or if I should be very very professional over the phone, I think I will go for a mixture of the two, I guess they want someone professional but easy to talk to so that is what I shall try to give them.

I really should get some sleep now I shall blog before the interview tomorrow more than likely so talk to you then for now bye.

Paint relates to life?

My sister asked me what she should use to draw her picture with pens, pencils, paint or crayons. Simply I replied why not use all of them? As long as it looks good what does it matter what its drawn from?

Then it dawned on me. This is like life what does it matter what you do with it as long as you enjoy it? If we say a pen is an police officer, a crayon a vet, a pencil a engineer and paint a designer as long as they all form a nice picture or a nice life why don't you do all four? Of course you can't be a police officer and a vet at the same time there isn't enough time in the day, but for me a writer, designer, engineer and salesman. I could combine all four and more sure I would have to do it on my own most likely but why not? I know if I really want to do something I can do it, I will draw up a long term business plan over the next few days, It will take hard grit and determination to get where I want to be, I know where that is. One day I want to be looking at houses to develop, the next sat in a garage designing an engine then the following two days sat in a design studio working with a team and then to finish the week off I will be writing for my latest screenplay. Then spending the weekend working at a radio show. There is no real reason why I cannot do this.

Everyone is a piece of art made from all different pieces of medium, Its just a matter of
working out what your art is made from and piecing it together.

OOOOW

My back is killing me I got work in three hours, I don't want to go but most likely will, I really shouldn't I will be moving stuff around with a bad back but what they don't know can't hurt them can it? I don't like working there I am setting myself a target to have left or have a job lined up by the end of June. I would love to get the o2 job but I don't decide that I need to leave as soon as possible, Its driving me insane, they don't pay me properly, Its boring, I can get a better job, the hours are annoying as hell and they are losing money and need to cut costs, all together staples is a shit place to work, I advise against working there for all of the above reasons.

I'm going to have a shower and see how my back feels after that, I know I shouldn't go I don't like going but there are some things in life that suck my job is one of them. However I need the money in order to pay for driving amongst other things, I need a break on the job front then I will be fine and I can do what I like, everything seems to be a depressive circle of late and I need to break the chain somehow, changing job is the first part of my plan.

FINALLY!

MICHAEL GOT FIRED!

I don't see what Sir Alan Sugar saw in Michael, he is a complete bullshitting pratt that can only be used for one thing lying to clients which will only lead to more shit as it is. I would never even consider employing anyone like him, he is a complete waste of time, sure he is young but he has had ten weeks to learn clearly he cannot sell regardless to what he says. I can sell better than him, he is based on a hard sale which gets you nowhere when you are dealing with clients that sell for a living they require a soft honest approach to selling or you will just push them further away, I would be surprised if he can even sell a mobile phone to a business man.

I don't really see anyone on that show as a perfect salesperson or an ideal person to employ but Alex and Claire are defiantly the most capable within an organisation so one of them should get the job the nearest person after that is Lee he can sell incredibly well but he is too full of himself and would not survive in an environment like that as he has very poor people skills unless he is selling to them. Helen will pass the buck and has absolutely no skills whatsoever that can be used. The older woman who I can't even remember her name at the time of writing will only moan if something goes wrong, when something goes wrong in business or generally in life sat there saying oh yeah its because such and such did this wrong will not help you especially if it was actually your decision, In life you need to see your mistakes, see the groups mistakes and deal with them as and when you do notice them not sit there and moan about it, she can't sell but she can manage.

Basically If I was Sir Alan I would Hire Alex or Claire or fire everyone and not employ any of them.

My rant about the apprentice is over now.

I've been writing longer posts of late expect this to be maintained along with the short ones, I decided a large amount of short posts was just annoying myself.

Revision

For the first time in my life, I want to revise.

Yet deep down I know I tell myself revision is pointless, It truly is I don't really learn anything by it and haven't learnt anything over the past 2 years I could have taken these exams 2years ago and still got the same results so it really has been a complete waste of my time. Now I'm not even sure I want to go to university, well I do want to go to university just not to do engineering, maybe In two months time I will definitely want to do engineering but I'm just not sure that's where I see myself in ten years time or even five, right now I want to experience the world before I settle down, I want to know what is in the world, what there is to do and what I enjoy, I have tried a lot in my life but realistically I haven't even reached one percent of what is really out there. I know I will never be able to see everything I won't live long enough, I just want enlightenment really, that will make me happy.

Its a shame the British schooling system is so bad and is very outdated since when would you in real life be set an essay to write in a set time limit in real life? I just think they should be applied to more realistic subjects and even layouts of exams should be changed, social skills are not taught nor is common sense two of the most important things needed in life. Also the British system does not give you very broad knowledge of the outside world you are just pushed into a box, well I don't like being forced into a box so I hope university is different.

SOMEONE SAVE ME!

DEAD!

Creatively I'm currently dead...

Completely dead I can't even work on old images and finish them off without getting bored, I need inspiration, I need something to make me sit back and go wow, I want to write, draw or record about.

Nothing is hitting me in the face, the internet is a great place but you have to know what you are looking for to get what you want, what if you don't know what your looking for? Its similar with jobs if you are looking for something specific you will find it but if you want to try something new and exciting you don't know where to look, its insane!

I just need something that inspires me, surely it can't be that hard, I have scrapped the other novel I was writing, I have even binned it, It was crap, It had no purpose, maybe I have a few ideas for the a new one to write which I will start over the next few days but I will actually plan this one out to get a decent story rather than drivel.

Job

I need to use summer as a way of getting a job I like and want to do, something creative and enjoyable rather than a 9-5, but first I need that 02 Job really want to try it out and I think I will enjoy myself there and that's the most important part about a job no offence staples but working there sucks