Novel time

I is off to write now, I can't write at my laptop it irritates me and I don't write if I'm at the laptop and I want to finish it soon. I can't wait for this weekend in particular Monday and friday (guys evening will be great), but summer can't come soon enough not only do I get to leave college I get to spend 6-8weeks with my best friends, care free that's what its all about, being young, be carefree learn your lessons, but go as you will, make mistakes, laugh at them, but just be happy.

nighty all I shall speak tomorrow

Object

Just sat on my object, was going to go to ebay and buy one but people don't seem so confident that they are on there, my results where varied from penis rings to inflatable dolls so I'm placing an advert here...

Penis wanted, contact me for size requirements, upgrade welcomed but will settle for a like for like. Current one for swap, low mileage, barely used, average size boot(s), abs (automatic bonking system), manual, original colour and a fully working exhaust system.

^_^

SHIZAM!

I'm done!

I still have English to do but I shall do that tomorrow ready for friday, Jeff gets to relax now and sit back on his bum doing nothing, well I'm yet to eat but considering It took my two hours to do that, even though I noticed it needed doing five hours before I even started it, I think Jeff is not in a working mood today :( I'm very tired now, need food and drink, will get some soon but cant be bothered to cook.

OHHH BONGOS!!!
*pretends to drum*

Can't say how much I'm looking forward to Monday evening, I actually can't wait. ^_^

BOOOOOORED!

Currently doing coursework bored shitless, someone save me from aesthetics and appearances, they are destroying my soul!!!!!

Coursework quote

Cos I'm bored and its my blog and I want to do work but not and this is a happy medium.

"I also discovered that most logos maintained a square aspect ratio as this allowed the logo to be used on any medium effectively"

Finally doing some work

Yeah, OK I'm taking a break right now, those things that stop your head from exploding.

OOOHHH just clicked on radio one to listen to some music and it turns out there has been one of those live lounge weeks recently.

Nickelback, The hoosiers, sam sparro and Elliot minor that is four good reasons to get your bum over there.

Ok going back to work.

Naming

So all my readers will be called randolezers

I created late last night whilst bored playing with a translator...
So you are random readers.
Reader in Dutchis lezer im not refering to you all as homosexual females though if some of you are remains to be seen ^_^

Also not done any work yet, hehe.
Bye for now.
*waves*

Damn

2 hours have gone since I said I needed to do work, I've done none.

BUGGER!

The internet is so addictive and so interesting and I can't do my work away from my laptop as it's the only place I can do my work seeing as it needs to be word processed.

But firefox works a treat ^_^

Meh

Meh I'm procrastinating doesn't surprise me one bit, I've just sat down and edited all the tags on the randomer society so we can see who writes what, I've added all the feeds to my toolbar and I get a pop up reminder every time someone updates their blog now, how cool is that?

And done nothing with regards to the actual work I should be doing and after writing this I'm going downstairs to get a drink and some food, so I get to waste yet more time.

Yaaay!

Oh I also thought of a name for all the people that read this all my readers are now known as...

To be continued...
(if Doctor who can do it so can I)

Today I need to:

Finish physics report, English conclusion and product evaluation.


I MUST NOT PROCRASTINATE!
though if necessary English can be done tomorrow before work ^_^

EWWW

EWWW Look what domesticated Dex found in the washing machine!!!

That is actually left over washing powder but it didn't look so good.

Firefox

I FIXED FIREFOX ALL BY MYSELF BY CHANGING THE DNS CALLOUT SERVICE TIME YAAAY FOR NO LONGER NEEDING TO USE SAFARI! ^_^

*does dance*

Kettle

Turns out the kettle is on a product recall, thankfully I have the main boiling water dispense on the wall but why can companies produce faulty products, that could have caused a serious injury. Pillocks.

Im wet

Shower was good ^_^

Random, I know but I REALLY LIKED THAT SHOWER!

I feel refreshed and not so sore.

Happier

Much happier.

Thankfully.

Ok Im off to write now I'm in the right frame of mind, I have done 14 blogs today, Including this one, I don't think thats a record but its been one hell of a day, Im now on chapter 10 of my novel too so I'm making good progress, I will have to do an update on my Goals list on thursday so I have got a bit of time to go sort some bits out before I fail dramatically at some of the tasks, I will also have to set some other tasks for this month and maybe some general life ones, I have learnt alot since I started blogging and I'm yet to learn more. I will enjoy it I think, anyways off to write chapter 10 if I don't fall asleep today overall feeling about today...

AMAZING but complications of the world have yet again been realised.

bye all over and out ^_^

Smile

Reading old conversation logs, I realised why I like these people I call friends in particular the close ones its because they are all awesome and I wouldn't change them for the world, but I still do wish they would speak more openly about things and not talk around the subject as that just leads to confusion and paranoia...

I would like to remove the blog below but I won't and I won't make it private, all my blogs have been posted, this way I can see my train of thought(basically I'm analyzing myself) and more importantly Its my blog, Its how I felt at that particular moment in time, If you don't like it ask me why I felt like that and I shall do my best to explain. 

Friends you are all awesome and I love you all, without you I would be a different person.

oh and I found out someone from greenland reads this *waves*

SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^_^

*still shaking about kettle*

Foodless

I couldn't find any decent food in the cupboard, well there is just none that I want to eat particularly.

Some of you may remember a social politics blog I did not so long ago, in fact yesterday, at this rate, I will remove my blog, remove all social networking profiles, remove my MSN account and emails, Change my phone number and then not tell any of what I'm doing, I'm fed up of people saying things, I'm fed up of lies being spread about me, I'm fed up of people talking around a subject to me. SAY WHAT YOU THINK!

I can handle the truth, just not lies and hiding stuff, what ever you think good or bad tell me.

*glass kettle explodes over room goes to help tidy*

That just scared the hell out of me. Imagine if I had been next to that the water was almost boiled...

I guess I'm just fed up of people not telling me the truth, talking behind my back and hiding things from me. I guess I will never get rid of that so I'm sorry who I speak to about stuff, everyone is back to square one with trust until I am 100% sure I have it.

Sorry if this ruins some of your moods but It has to be said and as much as this is to make you guys smile as well as me its also about expressing how I feel 

xs

I put them at the end of most texts to my closest female friends but should I they kind of lose their meaning if I do it at the end of every text or email, I don't do it on MSN and it makes sense not too, its only at brb's and byes. So that is where from now on I shall do it everywhere in life otherwise I fear they will lose meaning.

But I shall start kissing my female friends on the cheek as and when I meet up with them and leave them its just nice and is better than a hug.

xxx

This evening

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

twas good :D

Im off

*zzzzz*over and out boss

nah I will probably blog later but just incase I'm saying night to all my readers.

^_^

love you all cos your all so cool.

I shall name the people that read my blog tonight and let you know tomorrow.

Wombats

*Im moving to new york, cos Ive got problems with my sleep*

I ACTUALLY LOVE THE WOMBATS ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE AT FULL VOLUME!!!

^_^

Nikki makes an entrance to the blog!

Nikki says:

Though If she says anything again I will cause a row.

ooo whats that about? lol angry man

-Dex/Jeff- says:

lol dw

Nikki says:

*pat pat* aww

-Dex/Jeff- says:

something someone said today pissed me right off

Nikki says:

kick them in the nads n run!!

oh wait its female...

kick em in the vagina bone n run!!

MENSA BANKERS!

lol conversation last night where we replaced F**K with mensa

Matt, Gav and Scarf rule ^_^

Umm just a quickie

kind of like toms blog

can you comment if you read this regularly and leave your what bank you are with *UK only*

thanks

byee

Yeay

Made me smile regardless of how my day was going.

Thankies!!

I guess I just need to look after myself, RAWR.

Though If she says anything again I will cause a row.

I will try to walk away but thats hard in the middle of a lesson.

xxx

Shop

I need to set up a t-shirt shop I have so many ideas and it will give me focus for the summer ^_^

Texts

Mmmm

just got this text

"*name* just told me she likes u XD"

originally I thought oh OK well thats nice to know I have another friend ^_^

then it dawned on me that they didn't mean that kind of like, now I was still nice and said pass on my details and we can speak because I don't see why my knowledge of that makes any difference, I like to know these things, but then I wonder if she has misunderstood my intentions, also not wanting to hurt my friends that feel the same way is holding me back from being in a relationship right now, but please if you do feel the same way as *name* tell me, it will make life less difficult for you and nothing will change promise, I'm just fed up of guessing what people think.^_^

Tehe

"Procrastination is like masturbation; it feels great until you realize you've just fucked yourself."

Best quote ever!!

Bubbles

I just sneezed and bubbles came out my nose,

I know its not normal but its really cool!!!!

Candle light

Is candle light sweet and romantic or creepy like horror films set in the victorian age comment please ^_^

nighty I'm off to write my novel and I have a late start tomorrow yaaaay!

byee

Darkness

*Lights go boom*

*dex flick switch back on*

*dex check fuse*

*lights still no working*

*write blog by candlelight*

Screaming!

SO DONT YOU TRY AND FAKE IT!

*voice explodes into pieces*

OK no more loud music for tonight ear drums cant take anymore abuse and voice is dead as 

A small but nice rant

Ok 

Can people please stop playing social politics, they are all your friends, talk to each other, what ever has happened before in relationships ,arguments or even what someone has said or supposably said, if you want to maintain friendships and generally being content with yourself. 

Im not saying you should ignore everything, Im not saying you should argue more about stuff, Im not saying you should sit down and talk about it.

Im saying you need to decide what's best, you need to rebuild friendships, you need to spend time with people.

If you don't you will lose one of the greatest things in life. Friendship.

Without friendships you will go through college, work and life in general never wanting to be there never truly happy. Please listen to me and work at things.

You know you are guilty of social politics everyone is, even me, so I'm not the perfect person to be saying this but then no-one is and I don't want to see people hurt themselves or themselves by things that can maybe be fixed, you know where I am, email me if you need to talk, show everyone this entry, make yourself happy.

Msn intros

*signs in*

*opens conversations*

*types to all conversations "cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!"*

*watch results and paste them on blog*

-Dex/Jeff- says:

cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!

Fritzy says:

omgi'mgonnabezithered

-Dex/Jeff- says:

mhahahahahahahahaha

Fritzy says:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

-Dex/Jeff- says:

cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!

gav says:

im too young to be zithered!!

-Dex/Jeff- says:

no your not your just about the right maturity 

-Dex/Jeff- says:

cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!

Isuzu says:

But cheese monkeys are created from intergalatic space cows, and I shall sieze control of said space cows and thus I shall indirectly rule the world. Hence I shall not be zither-ed ;D

-Dex/Jeff- says:

:-O how dare you take control of the space cows they are ze best species in ze universe !!!!!

Isuzu says:

HA, see my plan is flawless ;D

*evil manical laugh*

-Dex/Jeff- says:

*screams like a girl and tells space cows your plan*

*space cows attack yee with ze stick of doom*

Isuzu says:

HO NOES, not teh stick of doom!!

*snaps stick of doom and runs away* 

Hell hath no fury like a space cow whos stick of dooms been snapped

-Dex/Jeff- says:

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! they gunna eat yoU!!

-Dex/Jeff- says:

cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!

Scarf says:

zither hardly, but i will spray lynx on the monkeys to eradicate their powerful stench

-Dex/Jeff- says:

:-O

evil monkey mudreer!!!!!!!!!!

Scarf says:

they are no ancestor of mine and i don't like cheese

-Dex/Jeff- says:

howcanyounotlikecheese?

Scarf says:

it's disgusting

-Dex/Jeff- says:

*explodes*

Scarf says:

mwu ha ha ha

-Dex/Jeff- says:

evil non cheese eating monkey murderer!

Scarf says:

the best out of them all :)

-Dex/Jeff- says:

mmm debateable ^_*

Scarf says:

shock horror! who could be a better evil non cheese eating monkey murderer?

-Dex/Jeff- says:

the french

Scarf says:

but the french love cheese to bits they make more of the stuff than anyone else

-Dex/Jeff- says:

i know but they murder themsleves all the time

Scarf says:

nah they'd give up too easily

-Dex/Jeff- says:

true true maybe we should set some kind of rabid animal on them...

The war Updated

BOOM!

HEADSHOT!

hehe 

4-1

BB guns are fun just open fire on them...

Death

When I die don't put me in a hearse they are not very pretty or in fact very gracious put me in a transit over a hearse please at least the transit has dignity for the working class.

WASP PWNS ITSELF!

A wasp just flew into the fan and disintegrated into several bits 

hehe

not a score to dex but still funny

not really safe up here for me anymore....

The war Updated

The insects have just taken a point

They snuck up on me and stung me in the arm when I moved

sneeky buggers this one was a wasp sting

as much as this may seem like a game and funny I think there might be a nest nearby so more battles will commence and I now have a red mark on my arm 

but the score stands at 

3-1

damn things

p.s: If I never return to this blog its because the wasps got me seeing as I'm allergic they can kill me :(

Bandwagon

It appears alot of people have gotten blogs and are using them because I did sure I started this whole blog thing because I needed to do it for myself, normally when people jump on the bandwagon it irritates me because I see it as copying but this I think is making a difference someone from america who I had never met started emailing me because one of my blogs make him smile in an otherwise bad day, so to all the people that have blogs and read this leave a comment to why you started.

Hurt

I just don't want to hurt anyone.

But you are hurting yourself.

So what's your point?, at least no one else gets hurt.

This is true but what if you hurt people by hurting yourself?

I don't know.

MSN IS HATE

I HATE MSN, 

You get silence and it fills you with doubt over what the other person is thinking, or if they have left their PC. 

*explodes*

That is all...

I just wish things could be better and simpler...

...

Blergh!

Feeling kind of dead,

Annoyed but not sure what at,

scared but not sure what of,

angry but not sure at what

and worst of all missing everyone,

I know I can speak to you all over MSN and stuff but its just not the same, I dislike the way digital communications is so artificial.

I know what is bothering me, I wish something would change to make life easier but I never will change it, I like it the way it is and changing that part would change everything about it, but I guess I will have to live with it and keep dreaming....

not that that will help at all

The war Updated

3-0

WOOO!

I had reinforcements from my brother even if he did scream across the loft.

This time it was a battle that started because it flew towards so I smacked it across the loft with delilah *sorry delilah but you cannot be stung* realizing I had annoyed it a little I asked my brother for a newspaper then he came up with two to join me in this epic battle....

Ok so the first one got killed quickly and efficiently by one swipe as soon as it sat on the light switch.

Second took a little longer but he eventually gave up via a indirect hit by my brother as he caused a picture to land on it and boom!

Quotes from this battle:

"hehe hes looks annoyed"

"ok so if we hit the frame it will land on him"

"TAKEDOWN!!!!!" 

"hes pissed"

"look behind you"

*scream*

"oopsie"

"runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"

"2-0!!!"

^_^

118

I was hyper and just heard ghostbusters on the TV.....

Dex says:

(8)WHO YOU GONNA CALL? GHOSTBUSTERS(8)

scarf says:

really? i was going to call 118118

scarf says:

i wonder if the ghostbusters are in the yellow pages *ponders*

MEGALOL!

The war

Ok this summer there is a war,

I found out last year I'm allergic to insect stings 

so each time I get stung they get a point every time I kill one or escape one I get a point,

so the score just got set as 

Dex-1 

Annoying insects-0

HA THE HORNET IS DEAD!!!!

he sat on my face for ages....

them BOOM!

either that or my head exploded....

woo I take the first point

^_^

Buying cars off ebay

 "if you buy a car off ebay can i have the bubblewrap because there will be loads of it"

my brother 

ahaha and steff just emailed me saying similar!!

"ive never bought nething of ebay...but i can imagine that a car comes in alot of bubble wrap" 

slightly odd but still cool

TRAPPED!

I nearly got trapped at work, they forgot all about me

*sobs*

no I was just busy and they left early, I shit myself if I'm honest when I saw myself being locked in for the evening then laughed when I realized the alarm was about to go off...

so I giggled and then manager noticed I was trapped and let me out ^_^

UNDIES VOTE!

See poll to side?

Vote in it please 

its about what you prefer to wear

this comes from a conversation in which I spoke to becky about underwear 

^_^

Work

Yeah OK so work yesterday...

Insane

some guy comes up to me and asks me for help to find some kind of wallet thing

and after I have taken no more than 3 steps he simply says

"I'm a busy man can we hurry up I need to be at a meeting soon"

I turn round stating they are just round the corner....

WHAT THE HELL THIS GUY WORKS FOR FECKING SAINSBURYS HOW CAN HE BE BLODDY BUSY AND NEED TO BE AT A MEETING SOON!!!

god this guy hacked me off...

so being a little devious I decided it would be best to take him round a tour or the store before finding his wallet, I knew where they where but said the store had been rearranged, I asked him about his meeting and he said it was a disciplinary, so I thought I would waste some more of his time.

Finally when we got to the wallets and I gave him one he said "great I'm going to be late" because he had annoyed me so much I replied with "hopefully you lose your job thank you and goodbye"

Turns out that is unprofessional but then so was he acting as if he was more important than me, without you wouldn't have your wallets would you!!!!???

YEAH, DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT DID YOU!!!

YOU UNGRATEFUL SLIME BALL!

*rant over*

I like being a sarcastic little twerp it makes me giggle inside ^_^

EEEEEEEE

Playing the sixth e note on a guitar and listening to it ring out sounds really cool when you make a small beat on the base of the guitar at the same time very deep and melodic.

Random I know but I was bored and thought I would share it with the world I have to go back to college for last lesson but am currently refusing to participate in staying there when I have free periods they have even stopped anyone from going to the common room, but complain if we go to library or sit in corridors. FUCK THEM. So I no longer will spend my frees in the college doing work I shall travel home, If they have a problem with that they can speak to my arse, as I leave the building...

So I'm home for another two hours, In which I shall shower,clean floors and do some coursework.

Then I have work later...

Plungerwear!

Buy Plungerwear™ gear now... Save your underwear from King Suckertron before it's too late! 

and theres a nice image from fritz 

of how many people she managed to get to put it in their name 

along with this comment from her:

seriously i just thought, what's the point in a plunger candle... see the second image where it's pressed down? if you let go the candle would just rocket off... who needs fireworks. like a plunger candle, press and fweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... and wait until it hits someone on the head.

Best conversation today so far

Fritz says:

i ish doing chemistry else i go boom and my life crumbles some more

Dex says:

ooooooooh scary

Fritz says:

actually no... something more dramatic

imagine a big mountain or the alps and then a huge avalanche*

and all you have to defend yourself with is a plunger

better start plunging!

Dex says:

or even better you could call upon the mighty plunger king suckertron

Fritz says:

true true and all you gotta do is give it your underwear and it'll grant you one wish and aid you in sucking stuff

Dex says:

what will yo get suckerton to suck first?

Fritz says:

white stuff 

ever so slightly edited to make coherent sense to the rest of the world.

I got to be bold and she's all slanted

Fritz makes me chuckle inside which makes me happy ^_^ 

Some points about today

Its nice to feel like someone is avoiding you isn't it.

*not you, or at least I think not*

Ok one point made next few points.

Companies are annoying as hell my ex employers are being annoying saying I'm not allowed my P45.

I made a mistake and now I have to live with it great....

Tax forms are boring.

Self analysis is stupid, but just as much constructive as destructive.

I'm a little confused.

People need to grow up though.

I'm still having a creative block it's really annoying.

To solve a creative block do taxes

Yay

Because I have a creative block, I get to do taxes but as a result of this they are likely to pay for a car so maybe its worth it.....

Cant be bothered though I have alot of paychecks and stuff to work out.

Given Up

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG

Linkin park at 120db = the loft rocking away with me screaming at the top of my voice!!

^_^

Blocked

I have had one of those days in a daze and am still in one, I'm just dazed and I don't know why....

I want to eat...

I want to wash...

DAMNIT I CAN'T BE BOTHERED!!!

I would like to do something creative but can't focus long enough, I can't wait for the summer and some long into the night parties, there really is nothing else like turning up some music and dancing into the night, I want to do it today but can't, DAZED!

I want to draw the most elaborate picture but am too tired, I want to write but I'm facing a block, its the same with coursework unfortunately I look at it and I know what to write but don't know how, anyone else have this problem, I guess I just need some inspiration. 

BLOCK!

That was me blocking someone on MSN as they have managed to annoy me enough with bloody small talk. wow even this has taken me half hour to write, I really am facing a DAZE!

Tidy desk

many thanks to fia for hosting this image its my new tidy desk space for revision and creative jizz I'm off now may talk later may not bye ^_^

101

101 dalmations...

Ok so blog 100 was me being bored wondering what to do with the 100th blog what was the mistake?

hehe

and for blog 101 I fill you with two sets of numbers:

49/50

and

56/70

and anyone that understands english driving rules will realise that means I passed my theory test.

^_^

100

01

02

03

04

05

06

07

08

09

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34

35

36

37

38

39

40

41

42

43

44

45

46

47

48

49

50

51

52

53

54

55

56

57

58

59

60

61

62

63

64

65

66

67

68

69

70

71

72

73

74

75

76

77

78

79

80

81

82

83

84

85

86

87

88

89

90

91

92

93

94

95

96

97

98

99

100

now spot the mistake...

oh this makes it 100 blogs now I'm off to bed nighty

MSNing

person 1 says:

you were missed at the party i reckon

-Dex/Jeff- says:

really?

-Dex/Jeff- says:

by who?

person 1 says:

everyone... there was a part of the fun factor missing

Am I really that fun and who missed me?

Fritzy says:

*throws brocolli at you*

-Dex/Jeff- says:

*screams*

Fritzy says:

*giggle*

-Dex/Jeff- says:

*screams*

-Dex/Jeff- says:

teh giggle is evil!!!!

She scares me when more when she giggles though I could have done my special arm catch where I put my arm behind my head

Oh bugger

Well spending so much time in the loft/studio/whatever the hell you want to call it.

I FORGOT MY DAMN FECKING DRIVING LICENSEE AND LEFT IT IN THERE!!!!

not it will be a rush first thing tomorrow morning

*combusts*

oh dear 90 something blogs and I have just combusted.....

The night before

Test tomorrow slightly nervous...

first test I ever have been so Its impressive.....

And being generally down is not helping...

Organized Dex

Im organizing myself!!!!

wow, shock horror.

And I'm making a timetable for revision!!!

*dies of shock*

Who am I?

And what have I done with Dex?

Basically I think its best I organize myself and get remotely ready for university....

Or like fia just suggested get a piranha like on BBC bitesize and teach it to eat my work.

^_^

Truth

What I said friday:

I have wanted to do that for ages, I'm just not sure what to do now.

What I said saturday:

Yes that is true but I'm just not sure its right so I'm not sure what to do now.

In a honesty I know what I want to do, I'm just scared, I know what I should do about both days, I'm just worried. I know I will do it, but I don't want to have to.

So saturday first:

Ok yeah, I made errors the last two weekends, I should have stopped whilst I had those doubts in my mind, they are still there and most likely always will be, I guess I just wanted to tell myself It would work, I would like it to, I really would but deep down I will always question you and doubt you, I'm sorry I can't do it again, there's a reason why I have never done it twice, Its because I doubt why It stopped in the first place, I know I always will, It's me, You said you just want to make me happy, I do to you to but If I'm making myself unhappy, I will make you unhappy, I can't live a lie and definitely can't make you unhappy but in the same sense I can't hurt you, but trying to make it work has only hurt you so far, this is the hardest thing I have ever said, but I'm going to stop trying to make it work, not because I'm giving up, not because I have had enough, not because I doubt you, but because I want to stop hurting you. Ideally we needed to sit and talk about this properly instead of hiding behind screens but I know you can't sit and talk about stuff like this very easily, I hope we can in the future though maybe even about bum boy. I'm sorry for everything, I know its equally both of our faults but I feel I'm to blame, I'm older, should be more mature and know better. 

I love you and always will but what we have now is all I can allow in my head, especially if I'm confused myself.

Friday:

I know you casually read this and I meant what I said friday more than anything but as you can see above, I'm trying not to hurt people I care about and you are one of them. I just don't want to bring you into my head its a mess and always will be, sure you are everything we spoke about but you are one of the seven closet people to me so it just seems odd, strange and scary yet so good you may read some of the blogs below and see me shouting at myself telling me to do something thats what friday was about. I'm glad I made your day a lot better than It could have been I guess we just need to sit down and talk more. I know what needs to be said but like I said above I'm shit scared.

to anyone else not mentioned, it doesn't mean I dislike you or ignoring you these two just needed dealing with whilst I made my head up, I have drafts for miss pocky, tiger, fishy boy and the neck warming man but they are not yet finished so its unfair to put them up yet

<"_">

tis Jhonny boy the slightly retarded monkey emoticon ^_^

Day part 2

Ok so had shower, ate lunch again quite a bit of food, text some people(s), still not going to college I refuse, oh and I also made the mistake of psychoanalyzing myself in the shower this was not such a good idea as now my head is a whirring mess of questions and thoughts.....

Just woke

Just woke up, not going to college, currently in my boxers, am going to have a lazy day, need a shower, god I'm still tired, although I finally have my appetite back I ate my own weight last night in food, which is something I don't do often in fact I ate:

2 Ham sandwiches

1 cheese sandwiches

3 Apples

4 packets of mini cheddars

2 Mars bars

1 spag bol

2 baby bells

2 packets of rainbow drops

20+ crackers

and a time out 

I was still hungry after that and should go eat now but I want to sleep

A good but lame day

The day started by running off somewhere to see someone had a great time there and I think they really enjoyed their time with me so I felt like I had achieved something....

Then after arriving home I text someone to see how they where getting somewhere.. they didn't reply until they where leaving..........

But in the mean time my stomach had decided not to go as it gave up all hope of feeling remotely OK.

This was lame.

And I text fia saying I couldn't go as unwell, Becky than rang me and asked If I was coming but I couldn't my stomach couldn't stop convulsing and the thought of food killed it, this really sucked because although I hadn't wanted to go all week because of the "reason" and work tomorrow morning, I can't deny myself an opportunity to spend time with my best friends, you know who you are but heres a list anyways because I want to make you feel appreciated as I feel bad for missing out but becky did say not to push myself and I made a prommise to her I wouldn't 

anyways list:

Gav

Aimee

Becky

Steff (even though not invited it don't matter)

Catttttt

Liz mc gee

Fia

Steph

Nemo

Scarf

Chris

Jack(again same but meh)

There we go I feel I have corrected my unfortunateness with being nice and making people happy oh 800 Views FTW! ^_^

The game

* have set my msn personal message to "youv'e just lost the game"

person says:

what game?

-Dex/Jeff- says:

the game....

person says:

the one you cant think about

person says:

oh fuck you bastard

I love it made me laugh at quarter past 12 and thought I would share it with the world

I have replaced their name with person because its just polite..

oh and while im here let me introduce you to jane shes sexily cute --> |)(^o^)(|

Crushing Boxes

Well after doing the really useful boxes and putting them out.

I got to crush the cardboard boxes in the baler, so as fritzy suggested I found a marker and drew on them, then gave them names and personalities shortly before killing them with 3 tonnes of pressure.... they also screamed as I squealed for them.

Just before I pressed the button of doom I made them beg for their lives but they failed to give me real reasons to save them so I killed them all anyway.....

^_^

*Am I mad and evil?*

Probably... 

At Work

Work is lame Im at work at the moment, Bored out of my head, today has been weird and work is helping me get away from it by telling me to stack shelves with really useful boxes they are really really bloody annoying they are large and they don't take to long to put out but customers don't seem to understand that a 4 litre box are not meant to go in the 2 litre space and that the 9 litre boxes are not designed to be put inside an 84 litre box and left there!!!!!!!!

So this quick and easy task becomes a mission of sorting out boxes, also the way they open is not logical but more on that later as I'm on drink break and only can do this because I cracked the works blocking system...

hehe ^_^

Society

I have not looked properly at youtube since the gathering, and also don't feel like doing it any time soon, I don't feel like I want to know about most of the people on it, I like my subscriptions and they make me think but why be part of a community that doesn't care about it self?

But then the same can be said for the real life community doe's anyone actually care about each other? not in a whole sense no, but as individuals yes, I try to care about everyone It explains the previous blog, but not everyone does.

The people that are close to me guess what?

Your stuck with me for life :P

xxx

Profits

An extract from a book I'm reading:

"If a company makes money from an old lady when she doesn't need the product, is it wrong or it making the most of a market?"

"The line between the ethnics of fair gain and unfair gain would be the line in which unnecessary charges are brought upon the market with the sole purpose to be profit and not to fund the cost's of this service"

Seems fair to me......

Message to gav

Gav your right....

I don't even think you read this but meh

I am in a hell of a lot of peoples lists.

Infact 32 peoples what does this mean?

I know to some people this shows what people mean to them but to me its just pointless

But I guess it means I am liked after all.

RAMBO!

What a thing to sign into your PC and see turned out it was spam and crap but it made me giggle.

^_^

Me in 50 phrases

1)I feel alone,

2)My friends are all hurting eachother,

3)No one trusts me,

4)No one understands me,

5)I can't explain myself,

6)I Enjoy life,

7)I ruin everything,

8)Im not well,

9)I can never tell people about my past,

10)I imagine myself in a few years time and see a failure,

11)I often dislike everything I do,

12)I feel like I will achieve nothing in life,

13)I feel useless,

14)I will die,

15)I don't mind,

16)I replaced fear with OCDS,

17)I see him die every time I go to bed,

18)I care about peoples feelings,

19)Im me,

20)Im confusing,

21)Im Dex,

22)Im Jeff,

23)I don't like my life,

24)I hate my job,

25)I love my friends,

26)I suffer from HMS,

26)I cant see what I'm doing in 1o years time,

27)I enjoy helping people,

28)I make music,

29)I make videos,

30)I love to draw,

31)I use to self harm,

32)I think the world is physiologically ill,

33)I think Im insane,

34)Random is my style,

35)I like making people smile,

36)I hated my first time,

37)I prefer girls to be friends than guys,

38)I hide things to protect people,

39)I wish days where longer,

40)I have to many friends for time,

41)My friends tire me with their problems,

42)I would never want them to stop,

43)I enjoy care free life,

44)I want to build my own house,

45)I want to live in the country,

46)I hate myself a lot of the time,

47)I feel uncreative,

48)I feel like I'm nearing the end,

49)I often make myself very happy,

50)I keep messing things up.

I don't care about the backlash ask me but just don't change...

Dave

This song is perfect for how I feel..

I don't want the world to see me, 

cos I don't think they'd understand,

when every things made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am,

Wrong end of the stick

I know your texting me and your angry but just read the blog below it explains everything, sure I kind of broke the promise but then you also broke a promise to me once and it was so painful for you to break it, I almost walked away.

I guess I still can't tell you directly and now am not going to talk directly to anyone about my problems this is the only way I can and will communicate things, anything else causes to much grief and misunderstanding, I just hope you read and understand my frame of mind because if you don't then I have lost one of the greatest things in my life. My best friend.

Blank expression

Im trying to put down how I feel about today and everything thats going on inside my little head, I messed up big time, I should have stopped but I loved it, I don't regret it I never could, It was perfect but yet caused my whole world to explode around me.

Some things in life are there to test us, this is by far my biggest test, I hate it, I thought I had everything sorted out, I did.

I still do, I know as good as it is I will never let it work properly which sucks, The other thing doesn't even matter, I just know I will always wonder where it went wrong it could have been perfect and amazing, It still is amazing and was the single handed best but worst thing I have done in a long long time.

The other thing, I just don't know what to do now because of you and that night, I don't hate you for it, thats impossible, you mean too much the only thing I can think of is that song you found on here not so long ago and say thats how I am, Too close, I feel like I will only hurt you all and ruin all of your lives.

I would love for it to work out OK but I just can't bring myself to let it because of the past, I hate thinking about the past and always try to move on from it, If i didn't I would explode and lose the will to live but now the not so distant past changes everything, you hurt me a lot by not knowing what you wanted and you don't seem so convinced that you want to again,Its been killing me the last few days, I can't do it if your so unsure yourself, but then I'm not sure I can do it anyway with anyone or anything, maybe I'm just not ready, So between the two it's likely I will choose neither even if it means missing out on great things, I know I won't lose anything over it, but if something was to show me that you where serious about it all and truly wanted it I would be there but I just can't do it until then, I'm not risking getting hurt again. Sorry.

I'm sorry I can't tell you to your face but I know you read this and I know you will understand.

^_^

I love you

xxx

Ham Bits

Yeah OK so still ill and people are over soon to record the show this could be interesting.....

My stomach still feels like it needs to be removed from its position and replaced with a new one but we can't always win I suppose. 

Ahh well at least people coming over should make me feel a bit better.

Soreness

Spinning head.

Confused head.

Sick head.

Sore head.

Hot head.

Sore shoulder.

Dislocated shoulder.

Red shoulder.

No shoulder.

Blue elbow.

Aching elbow.

Heavy elbow.

Cut back.

Tired back.

Dead Dex.

Me not feel so good......

RAZORS

Ok I NEED ANOTHER BLOODY SHAVE WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE YESTERDAY MORNING!!!

Its been just over 24 hours and I have a 5 o'clock damn it.

RAZORS SHOULD BE CHEAPER!!!

Youtube plus several things....

200 views in a few days?!!!!

Welcome back Aimee, will see you soon, even if you did sleep in the U.S. though clearly you can still write songs.

I have decided upon "it" and I will have to do it or I fear becky may eat me alive, I would taste good with gravy I think.... On that note dinner soon, but no seriously I really want to and have for ages but just never admitted it to myself so I shall....

And ducky I'm not sure what you have to decide about but I'm sure you can... yeah I can still see blogs you have deleted somehow..... but 17 calls is a bit much.

Nemo I NEED THE FECKING LIST!!!

The other two people that blog, I'm really worried about both of you especially miss pocky, though more worryingly I'm not sure why I am you..

So youtube yeah was good, I hate fanboys and its a shame not everyone in a "community" especially people highly regarded to not have time for one another, those people almost ruined a perfect day for me yesterday, some of them simply needed to say hello to some of the people there and they would have made that persons day, I take my hat off to Alex, he spent time with everyone yesterday and that made me respect him even more, regardless what people had to say he would listen to them, he is who should be at the top of youtube and is a role model for all of those that are...

I also met dave (music from blue skies) and he is hotter in real life than on video, but woah!, *I'm straight but still its dave*

yeah for now bye talk later on probably 

^_^

The gathering

Leaving for the youtube gathering in about 5 minutes.

Quite excited but also tired got no sleep last night, not because of the gathering, because I'm still beating myself up about not saying 'it' I will next time I can after all how will I know otherwise, and if i don't soon I could miss out on a great thing.

^_^ *I wonder where I got that from* 

and the same person I got that from I really wasn't expecting to hear you say the next bit about being lucky but because you did you removed one of the reasons I wasn't going to, so thank you.

WOOO YOUTUBE GATHERING!!!

some people that where meant to go can't but I'm sure it will still be fun and I get to meet nerimon aka alex and dave o(^_^)o

I shall now leave you with a line from my latest song, wrote last night, which I will record when I get a new mic.

The biggest mistake I ever made was fearing I would make one.

The death of mikey mic

Mikey Mic has died or he has retired without notice he's not working for me so I cannot record delilah for my song 

ARGH! 

I HATE TECHNOLOGY!

He won't even work in my mixer!

Hopefully he will work for me later....

but I had 95hits yesterday ^_^

Woah!

Ok so today I have had one hell of a day...

This site has had well over 60hits!!!!!

Woah!

So my day was weird and just one of those days and is soon to end with me alot happier than I went to bed last night as, I feel I learnt so much about myself today, I wont explain until I have spoke to other people about it so I know what to say. 

Im happy though and thats all that matters right now, I've written a whole song that is for someone but I doubt they will ever know its for them as I don't think I will ever tell them, If I still know them, which I hope I do, when I write my will I will leave the information in there.

hehe ^_^

Better

Ok I'm feeling much better now,

Thank you to the two people I have been talking to all day, 

You both mean so much to me and you both made me happier today even with your own problems, I know how I can show one of you what you mean but the other one you will have to wait until I work something out though that said the first one has to wait as well.

LOVE YOU BOTH! 

^_^

SPAZZ

Major back spazz now I really don't think I will be going to work because this is really sore, buggernuts, also decided I will go to sleep soon so I feel well enough in an hour or so

Dex feels like himself again if a bit sore...

o(^_^)o

Bubble juice or work?

Should I go to work

or should I attack anyone to come have some bubble juice with me?

Champagne

I almost said it but still can't

Bored!

Waiting for work to start

Am hungry but cant be bothered to eat

Singing and playing with delilah

I HATE WAITING

Hopefully I will see those special people, who mean so much to me, tomorrow in particular that one they will make me happy and at least work will let me relax and think about stuff I really fancy some champagne but working today means no alcohol because I'm responsible.

Waiting sucks

ARGH!

SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME SAY IT!!!!!!

DREAMS SUCK

Dreams not had one since he yeah

had one last night was amazing and then gar! I tried to ignore the latter part for the morning but I just can't dreams are part of your subconscious and last time I saw that I lost the plot I can't go through that again, I cant even tell my best friends about it I need to go rest,sleep,die and preferably not have to deal with emotions again, as good as the first bit was and I loved it dreams eventually suck because I will probably never let the first bit happen in real life, even if I tried to the other day.

GAR!

I CANT BE ARSED ANYMORE

*dies*

SCREAMS AT TOP OF VOICE A MUTE!

I WANT TO SCREAM SOMETHING OUT AT SOMEONE!!!

its a really nice thing to say but I have to wait until the right moment to say it or everything will go BOOM!

but yeah I finally sorted it all and I'm so happy that i realized even if nothing else happens 

^_^

Moomoopeekaboo

Im still in bed, I'm so lazy, I wanted to get out of bed a while ago but the dogs where lying on me and although they are not exactly huge they did look really cute when asleep and didn't want to disturb them. 

But today I have to get money out for saturday and bug someone, as I have been reminded this morning, I shall try not to forget.

The last few days since like friday have been Jam packed and I havn't really had time to think or anything, I want today to be just as busy, but I need to speak to someone else about that first. 

As much as I love holidays off college they don't ever feel like holidays as I spend more time running around sorting things out and spending time with people because its the only chance I get without having to be working on my courses, I have decided I hate where I work and that I want to leave as soon as possible, alright its easy and well paid but I really don't like retail at all I want to work for myself so we shall see how far that goes, also I'm going to start writing a musical album that will be fun and exciting.

Moomoopeekaboo, I doubt thats your real name, and I doubt you read this but thank you your email was just at the right timing, made me realize all days are not meant to be great and that it is still a working week in other parts of the world. 

Thats all I can be bothered to do for now

BOOBS AND LOFT

Upside down challenges are cool

though my "loft looks cool upside down"

and jack likes to play with boobs....

I WILL START DOING REAL BLOGS AGAIN WHEN I CAN BE BOTHERED!!!

WOW I CAN WATCH DOCTOR WHO!

yaaaaay previously i could not watch doctor who, 

but now i can thanks to BBC i player yaaaaay :)

tis all for today

SEX IN THE SONG

OHH BABY BABBY,

PICK UP ON THIS!!!

SALT AND PEPER HERE

PUSH IT,

AHH PUSH IT,

PUSH IT REAL GOOD!

I LOVE MY MUSIC LIBARY!!!!

oooh all in CAPS

o(^_^)o

email me please I'm bored, sorting my files, I will do a proper blog soon pwommise!!!

GOD THATS A BIG BEE!

Just gone into shed to get stanley knife to cut my wrists with and there was a huge bee which if I get stung by a normal sized one I lose that limb for a week or two if I got stung by this one I think I would have died instantly.

But yet I still went in and crapped myself when it landed on my arm but I got it off without it stinging me though if it had.... 

I really would have had a nasty reaction and would have ended up in hospital. so after getting the bee to buzz off I got the stanley knife, woo! self harming!

*note I am not a self harmer, and this is a joke though I did cut myself it was by accident I needed the knife for product design work, I can make this joke as I have been on the receiving end of self harming and have found the only way I live with this fact is to laugh about it.

Entry 60

6,618 days ago I entered the world. 

I've learnt a lot but not enough....

NOT ANOTHER ONE...

Nope jeffness returns for a bit.

In quick fire pattern..

Booked my theory..

Work at 5..

Need to fix bike by then..

Still have coursework to finish..

Still confused about "it"..

Bored..

I now think procrastination should become a sport..

I would get gold at the olympics..

OOOH MARS BAR!!

*eats*

its like chocolate with nougat in it why is it called nougat?

it sounds like it should be nuts but its not very nutty or anything really soft and odd like marshmallow but sticky..

Now I'm just wasting time..

Who reads this?

Comment below please will give you a nougat style hug

OHHH SOUNDS TASTY 

BYE!! 

o(^_^)o

Blah

Ok coursework almost done then normal jeffness will return the this site.

A few things have come to my attention:

1)I don't really like the fact I don't know who reads this.

2)I can't live with lies only the truth.

3)Trust and happiness mean everything to me.

4)People can read way to deeply into things I do on the internet.

5)As much as the internet has changed me and my life, I hate it.

6)Social networking is pointless and causes more problems than its worth.

7)I will have to remove all social networking If I wish to maintain my happiness.

8)People lie about the strangest things in the world.

9)I HATE WRITING THIS! Im think I'm in love with someone but yet I wont admit it to myself.

10)Im not telling you who.....

yeah Ok hated writing that and now thinking about press delete but I wont

Its my diary and I can say what I like, Its my thoughts and if you don't like it don't read it.

The person I am If you read this, Im sorry but I will probably never tell you. 

mmmkay

Ok maybe I do love you more than I admit but yeah its what you wanted and nothing shall come between friendships

xxx

April Goals

Ok so last weeks list of goals was went well 

They go abit like this.

1)Sort out the podcast.

Although no recording this week we are beginning to take it more seriously.

Therefore can tick this off.

2)Start novel planning

I did manage this I have 3 sheets of A4 paper that have some on next to me.

Can tick this off

3)Have coursework out of the way.

Although not completed now will be by friday .

4)Decide about "it"

Have done shortly after writing the list and Its working well at the moment.

5)My plan for the future.

Will discuss later in this post.

6)Have made someone happy.

Apparently I do this a lot anyway so can tick this off.

7)Tell my friends how much they mean to me.

I think everyone knows so I don't really need to but I did mention it on strangely nerdy last night.

My future....

I decided that I am not really sure what I would like to do realistically as a job but just that its something I enjoy, that I am healthy and that Im as attractive to companies as possible.

So aprils goals.

Lifestyle-

1)Eat fruit daily

-I don't really do this often enough and is sure to maintain my health

2)Less carbonated drinks.

-I drink way to much not only for health but to save money.

Enjoyment of life-

1)Try new things

-This will allow me to see everything in the world and get a grasp for anything and everything.

2)Start making all the creative things possible

-Again for the same reason but it also advertises my skills to future employers and could earn me some money.

Appearance-

1)I need to do something about my complexion.

-I will try to get rid of the spot things, I just need to.

2)HAIR!

-Ok I know people that read this like my hair but something needs to be done so I give a more professional image than bed head.

3)Clothing

-Not me being vain I just need to address it so my appearance is more professional.

Oh and get a travel card just because I use trains a lot and could do with the saving.

That is all for now

OOOOOH ITS WHAT YOU DO TO ME!!

Yeah I will try and pretend that I'm not thinking of anyone when I play that song but...

I AM!!!

0(^_^)o <----Happy Dex