New book

AHA!

Harry has AIDS!!!!

He's been using his wand of fire too much how do you use yours?

Just remember to protect it you kinky buggers.

^_^

Some pointless facts for you...

...and my comments on them...

F-101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan are the only two Disney animated features in which both the parents are present and don't die throughout the film.
D-So basically Mr Disney had a sick sexual fantasy over witch's killing his parents or small children be they dogs or humans.

F-Aproximately 1 in 10,000 eggs has the Salmonella bacteria
D-So only eat 9,999 if you like eggs by fear of death either that or only 1 in 10,000 chickens caught the nasty sex disease off big Joe the masculine chicken.

F-There are twice as many Kangaroos in Australia as people.
D-Blatantly they only have a minor infestation of humans KANGERS MUST RULE ZE WORLD!!!

F-Each worker bee, in it's entire lifetime, produces only one twelfth (1/12) of one teaspoon (4.167 ml) of honey
D-They should apply at mac-donalds for a new job seeing as they are shit at the current job they have.

F-Frogs sometimes eat enough fireflies that they themselves glow
D-I've got a glow in my stomach, dear firefly dear firefly.

F-The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
D-OMGOSH SUPER CHICKEN!! *its big Joe and we all know his dirty secrets..*

F-elephants can't jump, every other mammal can
D-Retards...

F-The Earth moves in its 585-million-mile orbit around the Sun approximately eight times faster than a bullet travels.
D-How can we move that fast have you seen how obese the world is??!! Just look at the Americans they are already 90% of the weight

F-All porcupines float in water
D-I want to test this sooo bad!!

F-The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone
D-THE WHORES!!!

The following statement comes with a warning, If this warning addresses you I suggest you follow it. So I will finish the blog here and leave the last bit for others to read.


GAV DO NOT READ BELOW THIS LINE
-------------------------------
DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
SERIOUSLY DUDE DON'T!
NO REALLY...
STOP IT...
YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE IT
SURE?
OK THEN...


F-a snail can sleep for 3 yrs
D-WTF!!! three years if we slept for three years they would pull the plug.. there grand kids have already been stamped on in those three years!

UR

The legend that is UR returns again ^_^



More jokes hehe "I cast flare*

Books

So I am currently reading the search for the dice man and its just as interesting as the first book in the series, I would advise you read both very good and intelligent definatley fun and different.

I also bought three books today one for generalness and two for the holiday to cure bordem on both the plane back and the plane there.





If you like school you will love work:
Now I will admit I solely picked this up for its cover, its genius but further reading of the blurb makes is sound interesting, believe it or not its about terrorism.








The pornographers of vienna:
AHA! what a name for a book! blatently about sex, the blurb "keeps it in the family" to say the least.








Now the one that tips the iceberg over, Change your life in 7 days:
I'm not saying I want to change my life infact far from it, I like my life the way it is, I bought this book because paul mckenna is undeniably a successful man and I want to be one seeing how he works can only be of use even if I do not directly use his methods, so in seven days I will be a changed man?



Overall my purchases today left me looking like a sex obsessive man who wears blue ribbon round his wrist that feels like he needs to free his soul....

I enjoy reading its so much better than films or television you are your own director and like I said before you can be reading about two people in sexual intercourse and the person next to you is none the wiser, well expect with book covers like mine...

LOLage

Looking at minis and come across this...

I wont be buying that I can tell you really looking forward to summer and I finally feel like me again if I am stuck looking over notes for english and product of which I have my exam tommorrow for which will be interesting. But I should be fine for it if i'm honest I'm not worried about it one bit. ^_^

Oh btw Im not telling anyone when I have got a car or passed my test so I can turn up somewhere and go oh yeah cars over there....

*laughs*

I love minis and looking at the ones online seeing how close I am to getting them makes me smile lots.

Jill

How do you like your jill?

Nsg

Now considering I'm not a huge fan or rap music NSG ROCKS!!!



I met him at the gathering completely unaware of his music and coming across some of his videos today, I have to admit that guy is a fricking legend two years ago he couldn't play a single instrument and now he is producing albums from his room capable of being number one's not that I know what is number one any more, what did happen to the charts they use to be important. This has made me wonder I have a lot of equipment and can play instruments why am I sat here writing this, I had planned to do an album but my voice is shit, I would say not what it was but although it was OK it was still crap.

But there are so many people on youtube that deserved to be signed but nsg is definitely one of them even if Dave should get there first, yes Dave did have to be said and yes Gav Dave is hot, but also very good at guitar and singing better than you so If you have a problem go play with righty over disturbing porn on x-tube ^_^

Apple domination

This blog may get me murdered but I don't care.

MACS ARE AWESOME AND YOU KNOW WHAT WINDOWS PC'S ARE FUCKING SHIT!!!

Bill Gates is a genius but will someone please burn him and hire Steve Jobs to piss on him whilst he burns? Seriously no problems ever with Macs problems everyday with windows does it not make sense to switch? I will as soon as possible, lets all get together and over throw windows and its pansy updates then shit in its grave with our I-poo.

Rant over!
Mac haters please don't kill me go to apple.com and look at the sexiness and buy me one whilst your there...

IM PREGNANT!

Yaaaay mini Dex's on the way!!!

I want rice, because I have an urge.
I have morning sickness aka laziness.

and I HAVE A BIG BELLY!-I wish.

OH AND NO I DON'T LIKE PASTA SO SUE ME!!!!!!

ME NO LIKEY PASTA!

My day in quotes

"Where the fuck is my hair those bastards have cut it...oh yeah"-On waking up
"Lights out for a tenner"-On listening to last of the lookers
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! I bet you to town and I left half hour after you!"-On out riding a bus and my mother.
"What about the I-phone?"
"Oh that's an idea"-On buying a new phone
"Well its £35 per month"-On the tariff
"Thanks for your time"-On leaving the shop
"Shame I didn't buy it but I will be back next month"-On buying an I-phone
"Thank you for your call you have made my day"-Talking to a guy at the BBC
"HOLY FUCK THATS A BIG WASP!"-On having a wasp next to my face
"A REAL BIG ONE!"
"Larger than mine?"
"yeah"-On Saturday's arrangements
"wonder if you would like to take part in a big project"
"thanks alex ^_^"-On speaking about a project

"OH SHIT!"-On should be at work soon
"haha"-On realising I don't have to be at work for a while

"Maybe someone ate them?"-On losing my shirt for work and Ipod
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG!!!!"-On listening to Linkin park

"See you later"-Speaking to my readers

Oh yeah

Juggleballs- hehe it means boobs

I made it up yesterday when I decided boobs needed to renamed ^_^

Foamy

Sony know how to make adverts, though why wasn't I invited?

OMFG FOAM PARTY!!!!!!

^_^

When martians attack

-Dex/Jeff- says:
small erect martians are here to take over the world they tell me in their small voices that "we are ere to ake ova ze world with our small legs so we can breed pineapples to feed our race" what should i do?... duh duh duh!!!!
Cupcake man says:
EMBRACE THE SMALL ERECT MARTIANS help them mine the pineapples and then once they have enslaved the human race, stop their supply to them, unless they make u their ruler, then u hav an entire fleet at ur command and u can RULE THE UNIVERSE!!!!
-Dex/Jeff- says:
but they are martians they ish not stupid
Cupcake man says:
but ur smarter than the martians

create an anti-martian barrier across the globe then they cant enter
-Dex/Jeff- says:
ooooh what like a zapper feild
Cupcake man says:
yes, carefully tuned in to the frequency made by martians and all of their technology, but being able 2 let us pass through freely
-Dex/Jeff- says:
mhahahahahahahahahah we shall rule ze universe and eat their pineapples
Cupcake man says:
and then u can hav me as ur second in command D: then we can both use our abilities 2 rule EVERYTHING
-Dex/Jeff- says:
mhahahahahahahaha or just sit down and have a drink, relaxing in the sun?
Cupcake man says:
yes yes we can do that after the conquering the world



-Dex/Jeff- says:
small erect martians are here to take over the world they tell me in their small voices that "we are ere to ake ova ze world with our small legs so we can breed pineapples to feed our race" what should i do?... duh duh duh!!!!
kitty says:
(: you sausage.
give them some of your fridges parts.
-Dex/Jeff- says:
ZOMGOSH BUT THEN BUT THEN THEY WILL GO BOOM! tehe *cheeky grin*

-Dex/Jeff- says:
small erect martians are here to take over the world they tell me in their small voices that "we are ere to ake ova ze world with our small legs so we can breed pineapples to feed our race" what should i do?... duh duh duh!!!!
buttery hands says:
LOL ur imagination never fails to amuse me

and u should feed them cake...tis much better :P
-Dex/Jeff- says:
but what if little martians are allergic to cake?
buttery hands says:
tough

pie then
-Dex/Jeff- says:
what kinda pie?
buttery hands says:
apple and mango
with orange sauce
-Dex/Jeff- says:
wowzer

-Dex/Jeff- says:
small erect martians are here to take over the world they tell me in their small voices that "we are ere to ake ova ze world with our small legs so we can breed pineapples to feed our race" what should i do?... duh duh duh!!!!
Fritzy says:
walk up to them, put a yellow ferret with a leaf in their face and shout "YOU GOT IT WRONG MORON HERE WE HAVE PINERETS" then turn around and walk off in a huff leaving them confused so much that they leave and take the ferret with them...

it'll only be a few billion years until they realise, by then the sun will have eaten up this planet anyway so we're safe :)

-Dex/Jeff- says:
wooo we go boom with the martians kaaaaboooom!
Fritzy says:
brum brum broom!

Where am I?

I could be naked in bed with a woman....
I could be on the toliet....
I could be in the bath...
I could be at someones house....
I could be in your room...
I could be in a field...
I could be being eaten by whale...

WELCOME TO THE WONDERS OF MOBILE BLOGGING!

Best email ever!!

Kind Regards

The Mr Juggles Team

Stopped working

I have stopped working for a break, I know I havn't been working long but

MY MUMS BOUGHT ME TOOTY FROOTIES AND YORKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how awesome is that?

Must eat them...

*God I sound like a drug addict*

Object

Just sat on my object, was going to go to ebay and buy one but people don't seem so confident that they are on there, my results where varied from penis rings to inflatable dolls so I'm placing an advert here...

Penis wanted, contact me for size requirements, upgrade welcomed but will settle for a like for like. Current one for swap, low mileage, barely used, average size boot(s), abs (automatic bonking system), manual, original colour and a fully working exhaust system.

^_^

Nikki makes an entrance to the blog!

Nikki says:

Though If she says anything again I will cause a row.

ooo whats that about? lol angry man

-Dex/Jeff- says:

lol dw

Nikki says:

*pat pat* aww

-Dex/Jeff- says:

something someone said today pissed me right off

Nikki says:

kick them in the nads n run!!

oh wait its female...

kick em in the vagina bone n run!!

Bubbles

I just sneezed and bubbles came out my nose,

I know its not normal but its really cool!!!!

Msn intros

*signs in*

*opens conversations*

*types to all conversations "cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!"*

*watch results and paste them on blog*

-Dex/Jeff- says:

cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!

Fritzy says:

omgi'mgonnabezithered

-Dex/Jeff- says:

mhahahahahahahahaha

Fritzy says:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

-Dex/Jeff- says:

cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!

gav says:

im too young to be zithered!!

-Dex/Jeff- says:

no your not your just about the right maturity 

-Dex/Jeff- says:

cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!

Isuzu says:

But cheese monkeys are created from intergalatic space cows, and I shall sieze control of said space cows and thus I shall indirectly rule the world. Hence I shall not be zither-ed ;D

-Dex/Jeff- says:

:-O how dare you take control of the space cows they are ze best species in ze universe !!!!!

Isuzu says:

HA, see my plan is flawless ;D

*evil manical laugh*

-Dex/Jeff- says:

*screams like a girl and tells space cows your plan*

*space cows attack yee with ze stick of doom*

Isuzu says:

HO NOES, not teh stick of doom!!

*snaps stick of doom and runs away* 

Hell hath no fury like a space cow whos stick of dooms been snapped

-Dex/Jeff- says:

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! they gunna eat yoU!!

-Dex/Jeff- says:

cheese monkeys will rull zis werld and zay will zither yee!!!!!!!!

Scarf says:

zither hardly, but i will spray lynx on the monkeys to eradicate their powerful stench

-Dex/Jeff- says:

:-O

evil monkey mudreer!!!!!!!!!!

Scarf says:

they are no ancestor of mine and i don't like cheese

-Dex/Jeff- says:

howcanyounotlikecheese?

Scarf says:

it's disgusting

-Dex/Jeff- says:

*explodes*

Scarf says:

mwu ha ha ha

-Dex/Jeff- says:

evil non cheese eating monkey murderer!

Scarf says:

the best out of them all :)

-Dex/Jeff- says:

mmm debateable ^_*

Scarf says:

shock horror! who could be a better evil non cheese eating monkey murderer?

-Dex/Jeff- says:

the french

Scarf says:

but the french love cheese to bits they make more of the stuff than anyone else

-Dex/Jeff- says:

i know but they murder themsleves all the time

Scarf says:

nah they'd give up too easily

-Dex/Jeff- says:

true true maybe we should set some kind of rabid animal on them...