emotions??

I really don't know what I'm going to say here today I normally write the title first but today I don't im not sure why I'm Just not going to put it there until ive finished.

Firstly I noticed why I like the people I do its because in each of their own special ways they protect me from myself and allow me to forget what's going on in my own life, the last few days have been the most awkward in the world ive felt fear for the first time in my life but its not a normal fear its one that fear I will lose my mind, I have reasons to be stressed about medical stuff but yet I simply disregard all of my emotions so that I can be there for all of my friends, some may say this is good as im being a good friend, and I hope it is because otherwise im wasting all of my energy and destroying myself, ive been in a much darker place before but under much more pressure and anger I guess really im just burning my mind over nothing and im scared of going down to that hole again, thanks for reading one person reading this makes me feel better but i will post another blog shortly as in properly today I started it earlier.