Truth

What I said friday:

I have wanted to do that for ages, I'm just not sure what to do now.

What I said saturday:

Yes that is true but I'm just not sure its right so I'm not sure what to do now.

In a honesty I know what I want to do, I'm just scared, I know what I should do about both days, I'm just worried. I know I will do it, but I don't want to have to.

So saturday first:

Ok yeah, I made errors the last two weekends, I should have stopped whilst I had those doubts in my mind, they are still there and most likely always will be, I guess I just wanted to tell myself It would work, I would like it to, I really would but deep down I will always question you and doubt you, I'm sorry I can't do it again, there's a reason why I have never done it twice, Its because I doubt why It stopped in the first place, I know I always will, It's me, You said you just want to make me happy, I do to you to but If I'm making myself unhappy, I will make you unhappy, I can't live a lie and definitely can't make you unhappy but in the same sense I can't hurt you, but trying to make it work has only hurt you so far, this is the hardest thing I have ever said, but I'm going to stop trying to make it work, not because I'm giving up, not because I have had enough, not because I doubt you, but because I want to stop hurting you. Ideally we needed to sit and talk about this properly instead of hiding behind screens but I know you can't sit and talk about stuff like this very easily, I hope we can in the future though maybe even about bum boy. I'm sorry for everything, I know its equally both of our faults but I feel I'm to blame, I'm older, should be more mature and know better. 

I love you and always will but what we have now is all I can allow in my head, especially if I'm confused myself.

Friday:

I know you casually read this and I meant what I said friday more than anything but as you can see above, I'm trying not to hurt people I care about and you are one of them. I just don't want to bring you into my head its a mess and always will be, sure you are everything we spoke about but you are one of the seven closet people to me so it just seems odd, strange and scary yet so good you may read some of the blogs below and see me shouting at myself telling me to do something thats what friday was about. I'm glad I made your day a lot better than It could have been I guess we just need to sit down and talk more. I know what needs to be said but like I said above I'm shit scared.

to anyone else not mentioned, it doesn't mean I dislike you or ignoring you these two just needed dealing with whilst I made my head up, I have drafts for miss pocky, tiger, fishy boy and the neck warming man but they are not yet finished so its unfair to put them up yet

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tis Jhonny boy the slightly retarded monkey emoticon ^_^